Brandon

The ship might not completely sink, but it'd be listing pretty badly without Brandon aboard to keep things running smoothly. This quiet, unassuming fellow is another reason we all like our jobs so much.
Brandon's primary duty is to make me look good. He does this very well.
Another thing Brandon does very well is scare the living crap out of Mark. I guess everyone does that pretty well...Mark scares pretty easily.
Brandon's stellar resume is what made our decision to hire him a no-brainer. If you can cook all the food at Outback, you can be my wingman anytime. Brandon is fond of interrupting me while in the middle of actually using my brain. Every time I blow up at him, he laughs. I hate him sometimes.
In addition to scaring Mark half to death ten times a day and interrupting me even more, Brandon enjoys spending time with his lovely wife, helping with his dad's ever-expanding brick patio, and collecting "NO TRESPASSING" signs. By next August, he should have enough to side his entire house.
Brandon started playing golf last year. He has managed to severely piss me off by playing as well as any of us. I guess we should be happy, but the rest of us have worked for years to get as good as he already is. Bastard.