Saturation

This is Matt. He doesn't work for us, but we pal

around with him a lot. Matt holds the title of

"Biggest Halo Nerd Ever". To be fair, we're all

about as excited about the game as he is, we're just

a lot cooler about it. Anything that has anything to

do with Halo, Matt will collect. He has formed Halo fan

clubs on every continent, including Antarctica. Matt's

favorite, and most effective Halo tactic is to hide in

a corner with a sword until two Spartans happen by,

locked in mortal combat. Taking advantage of the damage

they've already inflicted on each other, he slashes in

and kills both before they know he was even there.

In essence, he steals kills, which is why we call him

"The Hyena".

MAD CHAD

This is the typical expression Chad has on his face when he gets a call from a crew leader with a problem that could be solved by a 10-year-old. I don't blame him. Chad is always giving the crews pointers on how to do their job. When he is sending them out to do something that should be a no-brainer and he senses trepidation from them, he whips out one of his sage addages. Our favorite is "I only want to know TWO THINGS: What's wrong or what's...not right."
Other examples of his sage are "I got it taken care of, it's already taken care of," "It'll be alright," "It's EASY!" and "I'm done with him, he's DONE...okay, I'll give him another chance."

Vacation Photos

So I go on vacation for my birthday to the biggest spring in the country. There are many beautiful things to photograph. There are caves and birds and trees and sunsets and even a big friggin' spring...and what do I take a picture of? What does every excursion include photos of? Towers. Even on vacation, I can't get away from towers. They're everywhere. What's really disturbing is that I thought this was a beautiful picture...of a tower. There's something about it that just makes me want to climb it. And I don't even CLIMB towers. You have to admit, though, it is a pleasant setting.

Fortress of Solitude

I wasn't getting anything done, being in the middle of the action. Every time I got back on track, working on something, someone else would approach me with a problem. There were two other guys to bother in the room. They were in full view. But the guys always thought I was the only one with the answers. So I'd go help them wipe their you-know-whats, come back, and sit at my desk for ten minutes, trying to remember what I'd been doing. As soon as I remembered and started getting back on track, someone else would interrupt, requesting that I change his diaper.
So when we got the cubicle walls, I jumped at the opportunity to test an old addage: "Out of sight, out of mind". So I moved my desk way back there in the dark corner where no one ever dared to go. I erected the wall and even put up a sign. All of this seems to have had the opposite effect, though. The wall just happens to be at the perfect height for someone to rest his chin upon. So I'll be sitting there, banging away at my duties, and I'll look up and someone's head will be resting on my wall, staring at me.
When the guys come back from the field, they can't see me, but they know I'm there. The novelty of the wall hasn't worn off yet and they think it's fun to continue to interrupt me. I guess it's the homey mood lighting I've installed. I yell at them every time they do it, so it's not like they say "Hey, I'm in the mood for a quiet, intelligent conversation, I'll go see what Steve's doing.
I'm going to get some of those spiky strips they put on buildings and towers to keep the birds from roosting. I think I've got a roll of barbed wire somewhere around here too.
I guess when they realize their insurance has lapsed and they've been working here for two years without a raise, maybe they'll get the picture that it's important not to interrupt me when I'm in my fortress.

Nick's Glory

Nick came in complaining that, after taking Ollie's advice, the siding had melted off of his house. "He said, instead of taking all those pallets to the dump like you told us to, we should take them to my house so I could have a 'glorious' bonfire. He said the 'glory of the fire would be mine'. So when it started burning, I thought 'man, that's really hot!' so I backed up to the house and it was still really hot, so I got up on the deck and it was still friggin' hot! I looked at the house and the siding was melting off!!! Yeah, Ollie, it WAS a glorious fire!"
I can't make this stuff up. I guess it's a lesson in following directions.

Death Star Water Tank

They used us. They had us mount special stand-offs to "hold the coax away for painting," they said. We didn't ask questions because, as you can see, this thing NEEDS paint. Now we find out this was part of a diabolical plan for Illinois to invade Missouri. This is one of their primary weapons. We haven't figured out it's capabilities yet, but we're not sure how to tell the governor we had a hand in it's transformation. Even if we find a comparable water tank in Missouri and mount stand-offs the same way we did on this, we won't know where to go from there. I don't want to live in Illinois, it's weird there.