Chaffee Time-Exposure

I don't get out there much, but when I do,

I take advantage.

Ollie at the End

Ollie celebrates the empending conclusion to our wonderful day.

Meathead

Pretty cool picture, at least that was the idea. Unfortunately, Nick looks like "Me Ted" from that teen sci-fi movie from the late '80's.

Bullet Holes

Out here in the middle of nowhere, it's quite a chore to get in one's truck and drive all the way into town just to pick up some paper targets. Instead, resourceful country folk opt to use brightly colored signs--that have no pratical purpose--for target practice. At least the shooter of this particular sign was smart enough not to shoot the sign through the middle where it was bolted to the steel post.

Something tells me we'll be called back here occasionally in order to replace lines.

Chad in his Elf Hat

"Get some pictures of guys being safe and wearing hardhats for the website," he said. In the background, Nick and Ollie, waiting on the tower, were kicking each other. I guess it's a good thing I wasn't zoomed in on them at that particular moment.

Which Tower Is It?

When pathing a hop, it helps to know what you're looking at. That way, the dishes you're manipulating can look at each other as well. So, when the sun is high in the sky and you say "There's the other tower," it might be a good idea to place some reference marks on the tower or use some way to remember it. That way, when it gets dark and all you see is a bunch of towers with similar beacons and side-markers on the horizon, you can say with confidence that you're pointed at the right one.

Unfortunately, we didn't think of that before the sun went down, so Ollie and Nick had no idea which tower we were on. Finally, Chad asked if I had my green laser. This is a silly question because I always have my green laser--which people always give me shit about. I had Mark climb it up to Justin and he pointed it towards Ollie and Nick...twenty miles away. We thought it was a futile attempt, but got surprising results. Ollie said it was "As bright as the brightest beacon on the horizon," and that "I wept with joy at the beauty of it's shimmering emerald essence..." I made that second part up.

In short, the laser I usually use to jack with people saved our asses and we were able to get home by 1am instead of staying up all night.

I'm So F*$@ing Happy!

Justin takes a moment in joyous repose, thinking how great life is right now. "The sky is blue, I'm in good company, and I've got a 400 lb. dish to jack with. Doesn't get any better than this!"

Hanging Out at Chaffee

Nick (bottom) and Ollie hang out on the Chaffee side of the final hop we pathed that day. Chad stayed on the ground to communicate with me on the other side. Unfortunately, he had to communicate with them via yelling because someone forgot to pack working radios...and two fully-stocked crew trucks (hack saw).

It's not enough that we are in the most dangerous job (per capita) in the nation. No, we also have to drive over and under Missouri bridges that get an "F-" in safety. We got a particularly close look at this one while sitting under the bridge at a red light. When it turned green, we were like "Go before this thing caves in on us!".

It's a good thing MODOT doesn't build towers.

Finding Beauty in the Mundane

I'm going to sell this photo for $10,000

to Marcal...so don't copy it.

Advancing on Advance

Justin Mowry ascends to the final 8' dish he will

successfully manipulate at Advance.

Little did he know what the outcome would be,

but his efforts and tenacity helped us get to

--and over--

the finish line.

Loves His Job

Sometimes we forget that our employees simply

love their jobs. Justin, in particular, can't wait to

climb to work and freeze his ass off on an

otherwise beautiful day. It doesn't hurt when you

work with a bunch of up-beat guys who get along

so well either.

Finally...A Nice Day

To finalize the installation side of the project, we special-ordered some nice weather. Although it was costly, we thought it would be a nice way to thank the guys for all their hard work.

The Shadow

I'm not really sure what effect Mark was going for here.

It looks like he's doing sit-ups in the middle of the road,

but I think his legs were just hot and he wanted to keep

them in the shade.

Elliptical Portrait

Mark wanted to commemorate the elliptical project in his own special way. Using a cutting guide, we were able to get this stunning effect for our album.

If you are interested in similar photos of yourself, please contact me and I'll send you the request form. Simply fill it out and place in an envelope with a check for $12.99 and put it on my desk.

The Perks of Working Outdoors

One of the advantages of working outdoors for a living is that you have multiple opportunities to view wildlife. Witnessing creatures in their natural habitats is one way to calm one's self in an otherwise stressful situation.

Here, Justin discovers a seldom-seen phenomenon and exclaims "Look! That cow is about to take a CRAP!"

Visual vs. High Tech II

Sometimes the simplest solution is to "look up". After a couple of hours of "stumbling around in the dark," we noticed that the new dish and the old dish weren't quite pointed in the same direction. After hearing "Screw visual! That's why we've got these (expletive deleted) path-a-liners! Whoa! What did you just do? I've got a -75!" we switched over the the new-fangled method and fine-tuned the path to a -66 dB.

Ted gives me a hard time for bringing my camera everywhere I go. But this time, it's a good thing I had it, so up yours, Ted.

"Visual Alignment" vs. "High-Tech Alignment"

Here, Justin Mowry "talks to the other side" using extremely high-tech (and prohibitively expensive) Pendulum Path-a-liners. The concept is very simple: Point the dishes at each other, plug into the system, and fine-tune them using a combination of voice, tone, and visual readouts. Unfortunately, most people who complain about the use of this equipment--and how it doesn't work--haven't actually read the instructions.

Additionally, when using this method, it is a good idea to make sure your dishes are actually pointed at each other. If not, you'll spend hours "splitting hairs" between -96 dB and -95 dB...when your target is really -65 dB.

Elliptical Microwave Project

Just a few short months ago, none of us had really messed with this stuff--other than in Andrew training, and that was in a controlled environment. Now, following the conclusion of the project (knock wood), the guys are seasoned professionals in the installation, sweeping, and path-alignment of systems using elliptical waveguide. Each guy took home souvenir chunks of the waveguide to commemorate the joy they experienced over the course of the project.

Griggsville, Illinois

Did you know that Griggsville, IL is the Purple Martin Capitol of the Nation?!
We would never have known this had we not had the opportunity to build this site for Simmetry, a local carrier. Griggsville is a quaint little town. You don't have to look both ways before crossing the street due to population control.
Here, Mark Schaefer can be seen, cleaning martin feces off of the coax on the water tower.
Did you know that one purple martin can eat 2000 mosquitos a day?

On Griggsville's main street stands a small Roan tower covered with no less than 46 purple martin houses, including 4 high-rise type houses at the pinnacle.

Nearby, visitors can dine at the Purple Martin Inn, home of the tastiest "moquito pie" in the midwest.

Every address in town boasts at least one martin house in the front or back yard. Some riddled with BB holes.

None of us received a single mosquito bite the entire time we were there, but if you go 8 miles south to Pittsfield, you'll get bit plenty. For some reason, purple martins don't like Pittsfield much. Perhaps it's because Pittsfield is the "House Cat Capitol of the Nation".

The Axe Man

Welcome, Jason Axley, to USTS!

Jason hails from somewhere in the STL. Having served in submarines in the Navy, Jason is fond of sunlight. He's also fond of wide-open spaces. Jason currently holds the record for widest altitude change between professions, having spent most of his time at his former job near 1200 feet below sea level.

Jason's favorite food is cigarettes, he likes telling whitty jokes, and has promised his coworkers that he will do his best to "calm down" in the future. For now, though, Jason can usually be heard before he is seen.

Mother Hucker

We'd like to take this opportunity to welcome Brian Hucker to USTS. Brian comes to us from France, where he was a dew rag and underwear model. Brian's hobbies include parasailing in the Riviera, brushing his teeth no less than eight times a day, knitting Beanie Babies, designing clothing lines for GI Joe and Hannah Montana, and making fancy bracelets for members of his social club. He's a hard-working member of our team now, so we hope he doesn't get electrocuted.

Representin'

When you're part of a very small number of individuals who can accurately claim to have "the most dangerous job in the nation," you tend to take chances normal people wouldn't normally take. Here, Mike "The Punisher" Malorin kicks it in the hood...

with Nick "Deez Nuts" Schaub. (yeah, that's how it's spelled, bitches)

When Tube Socks Were SEXY

Yep, that's me back in the early 80's, kickin' back in

the sand pile with my dog, Duke.

Tube socks were really hot back then, but

it was considered "Super-Hot" when

the stripes on the socks matched the stripes

on the shoes.

2nd Degree Sandals

Playing in paradise comes at a price.

Will this be a constant and effective reminder

for Ted to wear sunscreen?

Probably not, but at least he doesn't have to

worry about the tops of his feet looking

sickly white again.

Engineers and Idiots...Sometimes the Same Thing

One reason we don't actually build towers is that

we don't want additional reasons for people to sue us.

For instance: Building a flagpole right next to a

GIGANTIC power pole is just asking for trouble.

Half-Naked Nick

We always strive to make sure our employees

are happy and at least somewhat comfortable

at work. However, Nick's ensembles keep getting

smaller and smaller every day.

Today, he walked in wearing a red Speedo and

flip-flops. At least they won't interfere with

his harness.

If he wears his ass-less chaps tomorrow,

I'm going to have to "crack down" on him.

Un-f%!*ing Other People's Screw-ups Since 2002

Justin and Nick, preparing to make room for Cricket's antennas.

Along with Jason Axley, they busted their butts to make sure

the antennas would mount in the proper can.

Then they were informed that Cricket changed their minds.

Money well-spent--by someone else--is always well-earned.

Important Managerial Duties

Sometimes, I get the feeling that the guys don't appreciate

just what it takes to run a market, especially after a

particularly rough morning of reaming their asses.

Here, Ted and I are hard at work, testing our new

digital calipers in a controlled environment to ensure they work properly.

The test concluded that Ted's head is slightly less round

than Charlie Brown's.

God Hates St. Louis

Here is proof that God hates St. Louis and loves LA.

Look at that, not a cloud in the sky.

Pisses me off.
But at least our labor laws are realistic.

Locate that Broke the Camel's Back

This thing has 11+ locates on it. You can hardly tell there's a tower under all that coax. You look at it and say "Well, that tower's full." Then they ask "Hey, can you send me a bid to build on this tower? It's going to get one line here, three here, four under there, and two more over here. You'll have to stack the Commscope like this and all these other lines like this..."
My response was "The amount we are willing to do it for is: SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS."

But Ted's reply was more professional "One MILLION DOLLARS."

They opted to give it to someone less qualified.

Lock 'em up and do a sweet burnout

I didn't think this was funny...

but I do think Nick's funny-looking.

Stickin' it to the Cops

When a customer asks you to rip his lines and antennas off a tower,

it's probably a good idea to make damn sure you've got the right line and antenna

before you go ripping into it.

In this case, I asked my customer "The really long one sitting by itself at about 120'?

His reply was "Yep, that's the one," so we took it down...using a crane.

Then a cop ran out and asked "Hey, can you guys think of any reason why our

radio reception may have just gotten a LOT worse?"

My reaction was to deny that my customer could possibly make a mistake.

I sent the poor guy back inside, scratching his head in confusion, and told the crew to keep going.

Then the chief of police came out and TOLD me we took down the wrong line and antenna.

We set to putting it back up and splicing the line with hastily put together components.

He said the mayor was going to make us replace the whole system.

I told him his reception was probably going to be better than before when we got done.

Ollie hooked it up and the chief had it tested.

By the grace of God/Allah/Buddha/Thor/Arnold Palmer, it WAS better than before.

The TDOA Project Begins

To begin our foray into the TDOA PM/Line Repair Project, I hand-picked three stellar individuals with which to train for our eventual title of "Professional TDOA Un-Fuckers". Here, Robert works diligently to replace aging weatherproofing, Ollie adjusts the straps on the bra that's been "giving him fits" all day, and Justin considerately distances himself from them in order to pass wind into an air conditioning unit.

On the way to the site, the guys were stopped by an agitated, mini-chainsaw-wielding lady who was standing in this yard. She yelled "Are you the sons-a-bitches who been cuttin' down all these trees?!" Two things wrong with this: 1. There were no trees that had been cut down and 2. SHE was the one holding a chainsaw.

Here, Ollie demonstrates his nipple-twisting technique while waiting for Justin and Robert to finish the job. He must be talking about some really BIG nipples.

Justin turns his back to give Robert some "privacy". I think he just pulled his pants up before I took this photo...Robert, not Justin.

This is why you shouldn't visit sites like this during deer season. It's also a good argument not to paint work trucks to look like wild game.

There's nothing like celebrating the end of a productive day by tossing back a bottle of sparkling cider you found unopened and buried in the leaves at a site.

My Evolving Workspace

I put the desk back in the corner and put up walls to avoid constant interruption. But then I had to contend with the first indication of someone's approach being when their head and shoulders appear above the side wall, like Dan's intrusion above.

So I removed a small panel so I could see what was going on. Also, it gives me ample warning that someone is approaching so I can switch the view on my computer to make it look like I'm working on actual "work stuff". But now I have to deal with the feeling that someone is watching me. Using my peripheral vision, I caught Ollie doing this while seemingly filling out his time card.

The next step in the evolution will probably involve a shower curtain or sound-proof brick wall, complete with a camera and doggie door.

Hard Nights...Day?

This is my night crew.

I guess the fact that the sun is up hasn't escaped your notice.

That's because, as the night crew, these gentlemen have to deal with:

1) Other morons' mistakes with little or no backup

and

2) Moron managers who didn't get their act together before dragging them to Illinois.

Smooth ride back from Illinois

I can't believe Nick missed the chance at seeing this lovely bridge.

As the team member with the least amount of knowledge concerning

cabinets, he was given the "choicest" jobs that night.

I don't know why he was so tired.

Protect Your Face

When you've been up this long and someone makes you wear a

seatbelt, at least you have the freedom to protect what is

most important to you.

I guess he's spent enough on face piercings to allow him some leeway.

Also, that hat could potentially be lost in a rollover.

I hear it's a pretty sweet hat.

Stinky, Yet Beautiful View

Working at "Dead Pidgeon" (aka 057), one must contend

with the fact that, for months after leaving, one's clothes

will still smell like rotting birds and whatever they store

in that scary old warehouse.

But then you get a chance to end an otherwise crappy

day with this view--not to mention a path that came

RIGHT IN--and it all just seems worth it.

That's Ollie, by the way. If you want on here more,

I guess you've got to be in the right place at the

right time more often!